I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
