im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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