I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
