Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
