True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
