oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
