so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
