I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
