Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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