They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
