I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
