my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
