Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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