i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
