You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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