Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
