If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
