Come see our sink grown plant.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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