my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Operation Purity has been aborted
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
