Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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