So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
