um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
