Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
