Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
