She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
