Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
