mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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