no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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