Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just google imaged poop.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
