Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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