I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
