actually, I'm a sock model
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
