You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
