I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
