My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
