I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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