You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
