That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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