...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
