no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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