Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
