My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize