Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
