She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
