Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
