first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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