and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Couch. On fire.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
