I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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