I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My life is pants optional.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
