at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
